Duty of Husbands

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:22-32.

Observe the sublime and transcendently interesting fact which stands amid the duties of family life, as stated by the apostle, in the language quoted above, like the sun in the center of the planets, illuminating, impelling, and uniting them all. Every part of this most comprehensive and beautiful passage is inimitably striking. The design of the whole, is to magnify Christ's love to the church; in order to this, the moral condition of the church, previous to the transforming work of redeeming grace, is supposed to be that of loathsome impurity; yet, notwithstanding this, Christ exercises the tenderest compassion for her welfare, and is not repelled by excessive defilement. To effect her redemption, he does not merely employ the operations of his power and of his wisdom, but surrendered himself into the hands of divine justice, that as a sacrifice of atonement, he might ransom the object of his love at the price of his blood; thus manifesting an affection stronger than death, and "which many waters could not quench."

The ultimate design of this act of mysterious humiliation, is to render her in some measure worthy of his love, and fit for that indissoluble union with himself, into which, as his illustrious bride, she was about to be received. For this purpose, the efficient influences of the Holy Spirit were to be poured upon her mind, that in the cordial reception of the truth, she might be purified from iniquity, have the germ of every virtue implanted in her heart, and the robe of righteousness spread over her frame; until at length, under the dispensations of his providence, the means of his grace, and the sanctifying agency of his Spirit, the last spot of moral defilement might be effaced, the last wrinkle of spiritual decay removed, and like the "king's daughter, all glorious within—and with her clothing of wrought gold," she might be presented, covered with the beauties of holiness, to the Lord Jesus, in that day, "when he shall come to be admired in his saints, and glorified in all those who believe."

Behold, what manner of love is this!! And it is this most amazing, this unparalleled act of mercy, that is employed by the apostle, as the motive of all Christian conduct. He knew nothing of moral philosophy, if by this expression be meant, the abstract principles of ethics. He left as he found them, the grounds of moral obligations—but he did not enforce virtue by a mere reference to our relations to God as creatures, but by a reference to our relation to Christ as redeemed sinners. He fetched his motives to good works from the cross! He made the power of that to be felt, not only on the conscience as supplying the means of pardon, but upon the heart, as furnishing the most cogent, and at the same time the most intimating argument for sanctification—he not only irradiates the gloom of despondency, or melts the stubborn obstinacy of unbelief, or stays the reckless progress of despair, by inspiring a feeling of hope, no!

But by the death of a crucified Savior, and an exhibition of his most unbounded compassion, he attacks the vice of the depraved heart, and inculcates all the virtues of the renewed mind. The doctrine of the cross is the substance of Christian truth, and the great support of Christian morals—and the apostle's mind and heart were full of it. Does he enforce humility? it is thus—"Let the mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus." Does he enforce an unreserved devotedness to God? it is thus—"You are not your own; for you are bought with a price; therefore glorify God with your body and with your spirit, which are his." Does he enforce brotherly love? it is thus—"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another." Does he enforce a forgiving temper? it is thus—"Be kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." Does he enforce benevolence to the poor? it is thus—"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, who, though he was rich, for our sakes became poor, that we, through his poverty might be made rich." (Phil. 2:5; 1 Cor. 6:20; 1 John 4:10, 11; Eph. 4:32; 2 Cor. 8:9.)

And who but an apostle would have thought of enforcing marital affection by a reference to the love of Christ to his Church? Yet he has done this—and has thus represented redeeming love as a kind of holy atmosphere, surrounding the Christian on all sides, accompanying him everywhere, sustaining the spiritual existence, the very element in which his religion lives, moves, and has its being. And this indeed, is religion—not a name, not a creed, not a form, not an abstract feeling, not an observance of times and places, not a mere mental costume, or holy dress which we put on exclusively for certain seasons and occasions—no! but a moral habit, a mental taste, the spirit of the mind, which will spontaneously appear in our language, feeling, and behavior, by a reference to Jesus Christ, as the ground of hope, and the model for imitation!

In stating the duties especially enjoined on the two parties in the marital union, I shall begin with those of the HUSBAND. He is commanded to LOVE his wife.

As we have already shown, that this is a duty of both parties, the question very naturally arises, "For what reason is it so especially enjoined upon the husband? Why is he so particularly bound to the exercise of affection? Perhaps for the following reasons—

1. Because in the very nature of things he is most in danger of failing in his duty. Placed by the Creator as the "head of the wife," and invested with a certain right to govern his household, he is more in peril of merging the tender sensibilities, in the predominant consciousness of superiority.

2. Because he is actually more deficient in this duty than the other party. This has ever been the case, in Pagan and Mahometan countries. In barbarous nations, especially, the husband's affection has ever been exceedingly weak, and it is probable, that even in the more civilized countries of Greece and Rome, it was not so generally strong and steady, as it has since been made by Christianity. But without even going beyond the limits of Christendom, it may be truly said, that husbands are usually more deficient in love than wives—the latter, in my opinion, excel the former in tenderness, in strength, in constancy of affection.

3. Because a lack of love on the part of the man, is likely to be attended with more misery to the other party—for he can go to greater excesses in violence, in cruelty, in depravity. The lack of this tender passion in him is likely to have a still worse effect upon his own character and the peace of the wife, than the lack of it in her; in either case, a destitution of this kind, is a melancholy thing—but in him, it is on several accounts the most to be dreaded.

The apostle lays down two models or rules, for a husband's affection; the one is, the love which Christ has manifested for his church; and the other, the love which a man bears for himself.

In directing your attention to the first, I shall exhibit the properties of Christ's love, and show in what way our affection should be conformed to his.

Christ's love was SINCERE. He did not love in word only, but in deed, and in truth. In him there was no deceitfulness; no epithets of endearment going forth out of untruthful lips; no actions varnished over with a mere covering of love. We must be like him, and endeavor to maintain a principle of true love in the heart, as well as a show of it in the conduct. It is a miserable thing to have to act the part of love, without feeling it. Hypocrisy is base in everything; but next to religion, is most base in affection. Besides, how difficult is it to act the part well, to keep on the mask, and to support the character so as to escape detection! Oh, the misery of that woman's heart, who at length finds out to her cost, that what she had been accustomed to receive and value as the attentions of a lover—are but the tricks of a cunning deceiver.

The love of the Redeemer was ARDENT. Let us, if we would form a correct idea of what should be the state of our hearts towards the woman of our choice, think of that affection which glowed in the bosom of a Savior, when he lived and died for his people. We can possess, it is true, neither the same kind, nor the same degree of love—but surely when we are referred to such an instance, if not altogether as a model, yet as a motive, it does teach us, that no weak affection is due, or should be offered to the wife of our bosom. We are told by the Savior himself, that if he laid down his life for us, it is our duty to lay down ours for the brethren; how much more for the "friend that sticks closer than a brother." And if it be our duty to lay down our life, how much more to employ it while it lasts, in all the offices of an affection—strong, steady, and inventive.

She who for our sake has forsaken the comfortable home, and the watchful care, and the warm embrace of her parents—has a right to expect in our love, that which shall make her "forget her father's house," and cause her to feel that with respect to happiness, she is no loser by the exchange. Happy the woman, and such should every husband strive to make his wife, who can look back without a sigh upon the moment, when she left forever, the guardians, the companions, and the scenes of her childhood